Doug's Sounding Board


Tom Robbins, “Still Life With Woodpecker”

Autumn, the spring of death.

Tequila, the buzzard god who copulates in midair with the ascending souls of dying virgins.

Random Movies

Just because the fucker’s got a library car doesn’t make him Yoda.

“I think I could fall in love with you.”
“Thank you, I guess.”

What I’m interested in is what’s in it for the cattle?

I’m going to make the best fucking film since Spartacus.

They’re not cool! We’re cool, and don’t you forget it!

The Age of Innocence

“Is fashion such an important consideration?”
“Only among those with nothing more important to consider.”

“It was widely observed that Americans like to get away from entertainment even faster than they like to get to it.”

When Night is Falling

I’d love to see you in the moonlight with your head thrown back and your body on fire.


Joel: I recently had a rash…….of people…

Julianne: What?
Me: Nothing.
Julianne: Nothing works.

Jila: Oh wow! Look at how big my hole got.

Galen: I didn’t do my chore because I didn’t understand it.

Galen: Don’t look at me. I didn’t make any promises. I’m real good about not making promises.

Galen: You have higher standards of cleanliness than I do, that’s for sure.

In an evening I can come up with any number of fun questions to ask cattle.

Mr. Nanny

First you defy me… then you mock my hair?


There is no right and wrong. There is only boring and fun.

That’s too much hardware for you.

There are worse things than death and I can do all of them.

Spandex, it’s a privilege, not a right.

Blow me!
Thank you!

The Babysitter’s Club

We wasted our summer.
No you didn’t, you spent it with me!

Search and Destroy

  1. Strength needs no excuse.
  2. The past is pointless
  3. Just because it happened to you doesn’t mean it’s interesting
  4. The things you apologize for are the things you want

You don’t smoke?
Me too.

French Kiss

If someone doesn’t tell me about this baby, asses will be kicked.

Bubble Boy

Have you ever been karmically bitch-slapped by a six-armed goddess?

Don’t worry Pushpop, all your gods are false.

Double Dragon

I just want total domination of one major American city. Is that too much to ask?

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